Well, it's 2:17am and I am wide awake and haven't gone to sleep yet. My mind wondering and scared of what my future may hold...Will it be Short and Sweet or Long and Full Filled??? That is the question today. This is a battle I have faced before almost 9 years ago just in a different form. I love where I am in my life, family, friends, spirtually and soulfully. I couldn't ask to be in a better place. I have little Drama in my life. Which no matter who you are you can't have Drama Free and be sociable. So, even though there are people I miss but don't speak to because of it I am at Peace In My Life. I'm now waiting and wondering what the decision will be in 44 days to what my future may hold. It's been along time since I have been this scared. I have never been this Scared and at the same time be at Peace. It's a strange feeling. I kiss my daughter good-bye to go see her other Earthly Angels and then off to dinner with my, Earthly Angel (Parker), Intelligent Niece, and the 3 sense of humors God has blessed me with. I wonder what and how will this effect them if this Battle becomes Short and Sweet? How will my other 2 blessings deal with this? How will my Foundation of Surrounding Angels be? I look at my life and I see the Battle's I have over come and the Stronge, Confident, Caring and Loving Woman I am, possibly need to be any stronger? hint..hint.."What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"!! (lol) I lay in the bed and look at my Handsome Fiance' and think "man how did I get so lucky"? This is the man of my dreams. I get up go upstairs and look at the 3 most beautiful daughters I have gained and think "man, God has a sense of humor". God put me in my place and man was he ever right. A mother of 2 going to a mother of 5?? Wow!! I come back down stairs to sit, think and write this blog. My mind won't stop wondering, this Battle, this Disease I have inside is heart wrentching. Not to me but to my children, family and friends. Wondering on this thing called, "Results" for almost 2 months is detramental. With the "Grace of God" and the people beside me I will be fighting this for a reason. I will not go down without a fight and I will not go down with out God by side. The people I have by my side are the same people I know will never leave. And for that I am GRATEFUL!!!
You have always been a strong woman, your a fighter till the end. Parker is a great man, because he was made for you. I hope and pray that you can find peace. I pray that you get the results you want and need. God gave you three more blessings, because he knows that you can love these girls, guide them in life, and just be their mommy. These girls were given to you because they need you, as much as you need them. You will make them happy because you can, you will dry their tears, fight for them and over all protect them. I have had the pleasure of knowing you since we were 16, we have shared ups and downs. I know that you will come out in the end wonderful, you will not let something get the best of you. God only gives you have he knows you can handle.
ReplyDelete